ESL Video Quiz: How to speak up for yourself

Quiz by: ChezTeresaESL
Quiz #: 27771
(ESL Category: listening) Tools to help you advocate for yourself

7:01 But sometimes, we have to advocate for
ourselves. How do we do that? One of the most
important tools we have to advocate for
ourselves is something called perspective-
taking. And perspective-taking is really
simple: it's simply looking at the world
through the eyes of another person. It's one of
the most important tools we have to expand our
range. When I take your perspective, and I
think about what you really want, you're more
likely to give me what I really want.
7:32 But here's the problem: perspective-taking
is hard to do. So let's do a little
experiment. I want you all to hold your hand
just like this: your finger -- put it up. And I
want you to draw a capital letter E on your
forehead as quickly as possible. OK, it turns
out that we can draw this E in one of two
ways, and this was originally designed as a
test of perspective-taking. I'm going to show
you two pictures of someone with an E on their
forehead -- my former student, Erika Hall. And
you can see over here, that's the correct E. I
drew the E so it looks like an E to another
person. That's the perspective-taking E because
it looks like an E from someone else's vantage
point. But this E over here is the self-focused
E. We often get self-focused. And we
particularly get self-focused in a crisis.
8:25 I want to tell you about a particular
crisis. A man walks into a bank in Watsonville,
California. And he says, "Give me $2,000, or
I'm blowing the whole bank up with a
bomb." Now, the bank manager didn't give him
the money. She took a step back. She took his
perspective, and she noticed something really
important. He asked for a specific amount of
8:47 So she said, "Why did you ask for $2,000?"
8:52 And he said, "My friend is going to be
evicted unless I get him $2,000 immediately."
8:56 And she said, "Oh! You don't want to rob
the bank -- you want to take out a loan."
9:01 (Laughter)
9:02 "Why don't you come back to my office, and
we can have you fill out the paperwork."
9:06 (Laughter)
9:08 Now, her quick perspective-taking defused
a volatile situation. So when we take someone's
perspective,it allows us to be ambitious and
assertive, but still be likable.
9:20 Here's another way to be assertive but
still be likable, and that is to signal
flexibility. Now, imagine you're a car
salesperson, and you want to sell someone a
car. You're going to more likely make the sale
if you give them two options. Let's say option
A: $24,000 for this car and a five-year
warranty. Or option B:$23,000 and a three-year
warranty. My research shows that when you give
people a choice among options, it lowers their
defenses, and they're more likely to accept
your offer.
9:53 And this doesn't just work with
salespeople; it works with parents. When my
niece was four, she resisted getting dressed
and rejected everything. But then my sister-in-
law had a brilliant idea. What if I gave my
daughter a choice? This shirt or that shirt?
OK, that shirt. This pant or that pant? OK,
that pant. And it worked brilliantly. She got
dressed quickly and without resistance.
10:16 When I've asked the question around the
world when people feel comfortable speaking
up, the number one answer is: "When I have
social support in my audience; when I have
allies." So we want to get allies on our
side. How do we do that? Well, one of the ways
is be a mama bear. When we advocate for
others,we expand our range in our own eyes and
the eyes of others, but we also earn strong
10:42 Another way we can earn strong allies,
especially in high places, is by asking other
people for advice.When we ask others for
advice, they like us because we flatter
them, and we're expressing humility. And this
really works to solve another double bind. And
that's the self-promotion double bind. The
self-promotion double bind is that if we don't
advertise our accomplishments, no one
notices. And if we do, we're not likable.
11:12 But if we ask for advice about one of our
accomplishments, we are able to be competent in
their eyes but also be likeable. And this is so
powerful it even works when you see it
coming. There have been multiple times in life
when I have been forewarned that a low-power
person has been given the advice to come ask me
for advice. I want you to notice three things
about this: First, I knew they were going to
come ask me for advice. Two, I've actually done
research on the strategic benefits of asking
for advice. And three, it still worked! I took
their perspective, I became more invested in
their calls, I became more committed to them
because they asked for advice.

The quiz questions cover the portion of the
talk that begins at 7:01 and ends at 11:57.

The link to the entire 15 minute TED Talk can
be found here:
The quiz questions cover the portion of the
talk that begins at 7:01 and ends at 11:57.

Talk about a time when you wanted to say
something or ask a question, but you weren’t
sure if you should or not. What happened?

What does it mean to "speak up for yourself"?

What makes people afraid to “speak up”?

advocate (v): to support or argue for someone
or something;
perspective (n): a way of thinking about and
understanding something;
vantage point (n): a position from which
something is viewed or considered
crisis (n): a difficult or dangerous situation
that needs serious attention;
evicted (v): forced to leave a place;
defuse (v): to make a situation less tense or
volatile (adj): likely to become dangerous or
out of control;
allies (n): people or groups who help another
person or group;
competent (adj): having the necessary skills or
ability to do something well;
forewarn (v): to warn someone before something
(Definitions taken from

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